Elite Eight Preview… for The Bachelor

PEACE yourself! (photo curtesy of ABC)

What a Monday night for the ages in Chris Harrison’s world of The Bachelor!  The show FINALLY pulls some punches and kicks into high gear as we are down to only eight lovely ladies.

By the way, as I’m trying to look up how to spell these chick’s names, I had no idea how many Bachelor recap blogs and articles there are out there.  May this post be the underdog!

Inspired by last night’s 5 v. 5 epic softball competition for a rum induced night on the beach, I decided to provide some bracketology analysis for the remaining women to get everybody on the same page.  The break that follows is based off of intense personal study, analysis of future episodic previews, and partial yet inspiring speculation.

Lets profile these females per seed, from 8th all the way to the number one stunner.

(8) Casey S.
We really don’t know much about this tall blonde who inexplicably is Courtney the model’s only friend in the house.  I could have sworn that she was not to receive a rose, yet Ben/Rafa Nadal dropped the bomb on Jennifer, whom our dear bachelor described as the best kisser of the bunch (and trust me, he’s kissed ’em all).  Even without that shocker of a pick, next week’s preview pictures my boy Chris consoling Casey S. as she cries way harder than anyone does when they get sent home from this show, so I think I can safely put here as the eight seed.

(7) Nicki
Nicki had a really great one-on-one date with Rafa, but I really just don’t see it. (much to mi mujer’s chagrin, she has her going far)  I’m placing her here forthwith!

(6) Emily
The straight talking fiery grad student nearly talked her way off of the show by focusing on her relationship with Ben instead of her feud with Courtney during the cocktail party, yet mouthing off (deservedly) about Courtney anyways.  This Courtney chick is mad fun to watch, especially since Ben basically told Emily to back the eff off.  It can only go so far, but Emily is back for next week at least.  She lays a big wet kisser on Ben in the previews, so they do get some alone time, but again I don’t see this going too far.  Sixth seed!

(5) Courtney
The lady of the season!  I was so smitten with how she’s been acting throughout the show that I mistook her for Michelle (Jake Pavelka’s season) when taking my notes.  She is extremely pleased with herself for making Rafa cave in and get nekkid in the Puerto Rican ocean, which truly guaranteed her a spot for next week and beyond.  What I absolutely can’t WAIT for is when Ben makes the realization that Courtney is the stereotypical model: a crazy self absorbed wine drinking envy producing machine.  The mere fact that Ben is clueless puts her at the 5th seed.  She may pull off an upset or two along the way, but in the long run there may not be enough offensive firepower to make up for her porous zone defense.

(4) Blakeley
The VIP Cocktail waitress released some vital information that rockets her up from the depths of this seeding system:  She let it go to Ben that she writes something good about him every day.  That’s like shooting 100 free-throws a day to a guy like Nadal.  Go figure.  Plus, she’s the oldest and chestiest one left of the group, which works against and for you, respectively.

(3) Jamie
My dark horse pick since day one, this Dryden, NY native has inexplicably been chosen in the rose ceremony top two selection multiple times this season, and she hasn’t even played one-on-one yet!!  This either means Ben secretly adores ladies from Central New York, or a colossal upset is in store.  Emily may be the Diaper Dandy Cinderella Story baby YEAH!

(2) Kacey B.
Kacey B.  Not my favorite, but seems to have found the early entry to our protagonist’s heart, and becomes a huge favorite to win it all.  Think Ohio State.  Jared Sullinger went down a few games into the season, but as he gets healthier, watch out for this team.

(1) Lindsey
Lindsey the Horse Master was a number one seed from the start, and hasn’t looked back.  Being the first feature interview on episode one as well as riding in to meet Ben on a god damned horse really sets you apart from the pack. She hasn’t gotten involved in the drama with the rest of ’em, which makes her the easy bet for making it all the way to the finals.

If you’ve been watching this season, I’m merely preaching to the choir.  If not, hopefully this rundown of where we are will inspire you swill a few cold ones and hop on the Bachelor train, easily one of the best reality shows you can watch on a Monday night at 8:00 PM.

About: Esteban

Esteban is the Editor in Chief of RantingEsteban.com. Check out his page on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @RantingEsteban, or send him an email.

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