Star Wars: A Drinking Game

I recently was inspired by Rod Hilton’s essay Star Wars: Machete Order to view Episodes IV, V, II, III, and VI over the span of 24 hours with my anti-movie aficionado mujer, who’s extent of knowledge of Star Wars was limited to Nintendo 64’s Shadows of the Empire and Rogue Squadron.

She kept her attention throughout the experience, even offering valid criticism…

 


And this spectacular gem:

 

She expressed a desire to re-watch IV and V to “get a better idea of what’s going on”. And was legitimately surprised at the “other” major plot twist. Huzzah!

As for me, Hilton was absolutely correct in saying that VI is far better with the extended “flashback” story of II and III.  Luke’s struggle to save his father seemed all the more noble, his conflict that much more meaningful knowing how bad his father failed, and the overall conclusion that much more wretched due to Lucas’s post-release vomit-fest of an edited celebration.

So, of course, I wrote drinking game rules for the saga. Some rules can span multiple films, but I’ve grouped them for meaningful digestion.  I hope you enjoy Machete-ing these films as much as I did, and for gods sake, save yourself some pain and get the original releases, or just get down with Episode IV + martini’s and have a blast.

Drink every time…

Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope

  • There is a blaster casualty
  • A main character appears on screen or is introduced for the first time
  • R2D2’s third leg is exposed
  • Luke displays childlike naivety
  • Darth Vader chokes-a-bitch
  • “I have a bad feeling about this”

DEATH RULE

Drink every time you see spaceship thrusters.

Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back

  • Sexual tension/insinuation appears
  • Anyone says “Degobah”
  • You see an impressive demonstration/use of the Force
  • The hyperdrive fails

DEATH RULE

Drink every time a stormtrooper perishes.

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones

  • Anakin’s rattail is exposed
  • Anakin is referred to as “Annie”
  • Obi-Wan is a baller
  • Anyone is sitting in a group making administrative decisions

DEATH RULE

Drink for egregious lightsaber twirling.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

  • Anyone is sitting in a group making administrative decisions (really George? REALLY?)
  • The Force reveals the future, or the future revealed by the Force occurs
  • Yoda’s talking method is abused by the script writers
  • Darth Vader chokes-a-bitch

DEATH RULE

Drink every time a dialogue’s primary intent is to entertain children.

Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi

  • Jabba or his pet laughs
  • Anyone says “master”
  • Anyone says “father”
  • Anytime an Ewok dies, or if you think an Ewok has been killed

DEATH RULE

Drink every time you catch yourself hoping/praying that J.J. Abrams’s Star Wars reboot is as good and well-received as Star Trek.

About: Esteban

Esteban is the Editor in Chief of RantingEsteban.com. Check out his page on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @RantingEsteban, or send him an email.

Leave a Reply