Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) Drinking Game

220px-TMNTMoviePosterAs I begin to write this I am laying on the couch in my winter coat, layered with 3 blankets (including an electric) and a space heater blowing dry hot air onto my feet. The heater and gas are broken in the house, which is currently 40 degrees. This is how I spent last night. Luckily the Gas Man is on his way. While I wait, I’ve decided to make good use of my time and watch the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trilogy VHS’. My love for VHS’ can be a different blog post. 

As kids, my brothers loved the Ninja Turtles. My mom made them home-made costumes for Halloween one year. I was always secretly jealous and wished I could have been Mikey right along with them. They took an empty refrigerator box, and transformed it into the TMNT Van. They even let me help with coloring it and I got to play along with them. Luckily for me, their love of ninjas was deeply ingrained in me and even now, I LOVE those fucking turtles… along with every other 90s-ninja movie.

Now, everyone knows that TMNT II: Secret of the Ooze is my favorite Ninja Turtle movie. EVERYBODY CALM THE FUCK DOWN I’M NOT SAYING IT’S THE BEST. The first is obviously the best. It’s real. You feel for the turtles. You even feel for the misfit, Danny, who’s Dad is kind of a piece of shit.  You wish you could talk to Splinter and tell him your family troubles and he could give you words of wisdom. You remember your unfailing love for pizza.  And even I got a chubby for April O’Neil (what’s the female chubby? Nubby? Ew). Casey Jones parades in, all vigilante and greasy… All around, the first movie is the best. No one can argue that.

But come the fuck on. The Secret of the Ooze has Keno. Ernie Reyes Jr. got his promising start playing Keno, the young and enthusiastic do-gooder pizza delivery boy, “Did I mention I study Martial-Arts?” who wants to join The Turtles. This lead to my top 5 favorite movie, Surf Ninjas. I also think Donatello KILLS IT in this one. He’s such a nerd and pulls out all the puns. AND VANILLA ICE. It’s just feels so right.

All of that said, after watching the trilogy, the first is actually the best with the drinking rules.  The Secret of the Ooze and TMNT III are just fun to watch if you’re a dork like me. I hope you enjoy this while getting shit-faced with your friends (or in my case, brothers) and reminiscing childhood.

COWABUNGA DUDES!



Drink every time:

  • Someone walks through a sewer
  • Raphael is being emo
  • The brothers act more like teenagers rather than turtles
  • The Turtles/Splinter uses a cliche 90’s term (cowabunga, tubulurhhh)
  • “Pizza” is said, or heard

Death Rule

Drink every time a classic “ninja” move is pulled out.

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